One woman I know, who is from a Bangladeshi background, was told she should be more assertive – but when she tried to, she was criticised for being brash. If I try on clothes that don’t really fit me, I feel awkward, and that transmits itself to other people. That will work for some people, but if it’s not my natural style it probably won’t come over as confidence. And if that’s the case, encouraging women to be more confident means asking them to look more like confident men. When you unpack it, ‘women lack confidence’ can simply mean ‘I don’t see women displaying the behaviour that I naturally associate with confidence’. Is that about confidence, though, or just differences in style between men (on average) and women (on average)? I’ve never found the hard evidence for that, but it rings true with a lot of people. It’s often said that a woman will only apply for a job if she can tick off every element of the person specification, whereas a man may give it a go if he meets 60% of the spec. And not just in the Civil Service, by the way: it’s a common assumption in all sectors.īut again I think it’s flawed. It’s always said with the very best of intentions, by people who really want to see a better balance of men and women in senior roles. I suspect that women of colour hear this even more than white women. I’ve lost count of the number of times I’ve heard people say that in order to progress, women need to build their confidence. That feels more true to the spirit of the Leadership Statement than the kind of ‘confidence’ that puts distance between us and our teams.Īnother place where the word ‘confident’ often pops up is in discussions about diversity. So, as a leader, by showing people myself I’m demonstrating confidence and, even more importantly, giving other people confidence about being themselves. We lack confidence that we’ll be accepted as ourselves. It takes a lot of confidence to be prepared to show vulnerability, and when we don’t it’s often because we’re unconfident of other people’s reactions. I get where they are coming from, but I think it’s flawed logic. When I talk to people about this, the response is often, “I wouldn’t want to show vulnerability, it’s important to look confident”. Sharing who we are helps make connections with other people and build trust. I’ve written here before about the value of showing vulnerability as a leader. Not in the sense that it appears in the Civil Service Leadership Statement, but in some of the ways I hear the word used. I confess that I have a bit of a problem with the word 'confident'. Clare Moriarty, Permanent Secretary, Defra
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